Went out wif ah ting today...
i feel so much better today as compared to the past few days...
guess my gloomy mood can only go off completely away from me when i start to live life...
oh well...
thank you gal for ur encouragement...
yes, i will get better.
Always keep the faith... =)
1/22/2010
1/20/2010
Growing Up.
i always believe in the fact that everyone is different and that different people have different view, different stand, different value, different working style...etc. so i thought we should try to understand them for who and what they are... and even if we don't understand, we should try to compromise and accept their differences, especially when we are.... friends.
i presume that as long as we compromise, things will definitely get the way we want it to be in a pleasant way... however, i realised, things are not that easy, and i thank this incident to teach me what it really takes to accept people with different point of view and how bad things can turn when misunderstanding happens...
there will be times when i feel really puzzled about people around who share different views and reaction with me, but i always try to keep my mind clear and tell myself that "hey, we are different, thats y i should stay cool and let the matter rest! there may never come a time when people with different view will change their stand and agree with you, its ok to not understand me, but im not going to force them to be like me! hell no would i want to keep a distance away frm them cos i treasure every single one of them and want to maintain a healthy and happy relationship with everyone!"
don't think that im a good person.
我是人，不是神。
i myself is an ordinary human too.
i have blood, i have flesh, i have my own thoughts and point of view, i have a temper also.
i will not feel happy if things are not goin the way i wanted too. but as long as things are working well in a way that its fine with the majority, i have no problem to go with it. to see things working at a delighted mode where everyone is pleased makes me feel happy too.
come on, human are all selfish animal, we are all self-centred. there will be times when we want things to work the way we wanted when we are in groups. but because we are hot-blooded human, we got the brain to think, we have the heart to feel, we learn to compromise, we learn to understand, we learn to care and love. thats y i try hard to understand the things and people around me.
i am selfish to say this out cos this time, i really want others to hear me out, hear my point of view even though there might be voices around commenting things like ' just shut up, u dunno anything.' i still would say.... this is the only place i can talk to right now and most of the time...
its scary... i realised the older i grow, the lesser i know. the more i find out the ugly truth in every belief that im trying to hold, the more heart broken i felt... am i trying too hard? everything that happens to me now hits me real hard, that lead me to doubt myself again... what is wrong with me?
i know that everyone have their 'own set of ruler' in their life to 'measure' the people around and judge others the way they want. this is not up to me to change that. i understand.
everybody is urging to want someone to hear them out and understand the way they see and feel things and let people know the kind of sacrifices they have made for others so badly. i understand.
it makes u feels like a fool when u have done so much for the ones u valued most without them knowing, but they in turn, treat your friendship like a dung. even though there are times when the person didn't mean to, it still saddens you.
and it hurts.
so badly.
i always listen to them. i feel for them. i know i cant understand them cos i cant never be like them, but at least i tried hard to be there for them when they are down and encourage them whenever they turn to me, didn't i? when there's some gossips about my friends going around i will do the explainations for them, hoping the others will understand them and that the things they see aren't the way they supposed to be..
isn't it what a true friendship is like? No?
am i just doing something worthless? maybe im just a busybody, nobody ask or even needs me to do that for them... im such an asshole. =\
i don't deny that sometimes when people don't understand me i feel frusturated and annoyed, it makes my blood boils...
when i get suffocated with too much things that i want to make clear....
when there's so much misconception about me going on....
i cried. and trembled. my hands and feets all went cold.
this is a point when i am trying to keep my cool using all the strength i have in me as i don't wish to quarrel, i hate shouting and screaming.
i loathe CHAOS to the core.
its horrifying.
cos im too overwhelmed by the unexpected from the expected.
i feel lost, i need time to configure my thoughts and feelings.
but i never ever show a black face, cos i believe they didnt mean to...
will they ever feel my effort?
i really love my friends with all my hearts.
can they tell?
but i will try to understand this though, i have my own method of showing my love and care for my love ones, and they have their own way of appreciating and seeing my way of love for them too. if they cant understand, of course i'll feel disappointed..
but it cant be help too. there might be someone out there secretly caring about me without me knowing, i may be that idiot who don't know a thing and yet treating everything for granted. its easy to take things for granted when things around you comes so easily and happens almost with a common sense. i always remind myself to see things around in a grateful manner.
i hope that will help me grow better as a person, and become a better friend.
this is what i believe in, am i wrong?
pinning too much hope on others will let you fall flat and badly.
do not treat everything around for granted.
its always easy to say than to be done.
what hurts the most is when the people around that you think would understand actually don't.
well, i guess this is part of growing up...
some lessons that i have to learn in life...
if the harsh shit is over, i probably will grow stronger and become more matured to handle my future.
this entry may be selfish and full of myself, but i feel good after talking things out. phew...
sometimes i really hope there's a cctv following each of us around, so that we can know what sweet things have our love ones done for us secretly without us knowing... in this way, wouldnt there be lesser conflicts and more understanding with gratitude lingering around the world??
ok, im dreaming.
never thought that i could be that kind of person in other people's view... at least not from you...
do i look like this kind of person all these years to you?
utterly stunned.
sometimes years can't buy you deeper understanding, its the heart that u use to feel do...
just let it flow freely. my tears will go, but our friendship don't.
-hongjie
i presume that as long as we compromise, things will definitely get the way we want it to be in a pleasant way... however, i realised, things are not that easy, and i thank this incident to teach me what it really takes to accept people with different point of view and how bad things can turn when misunderstanding happens...
there will be times when i feel really puzzled about people around who share different views and reaction with me, but i always try to keep my mind clear and tell myself that "hey, we are different, thats y i should stay cool and let the matter rest! there may never come a time when people with different view will change their stand and agree with you, its ok to not understand me, but im not going to force them to be like me! hell no would i want to keep a distance away frm them cos i treasure every single one of them and want to maintain a healthy and happy relationship with everyone!"
don't think that im a good person.
我是人，不是神。
i myself is an ordinary human too.
i have blood, i have flesh, i have my own thoughts and point of view, i have a temper also.
i will not feel happy if things are not goin the way i wanted too. but as long as things are working well in a way that its fine with the majority, i have no problem to go with it. to see things working at a delighted mode where everyone is pleased makes me feel happy too.
come on, human are all selfish animal, we are all self-centred. there will be times when we want things to work the way we wanted when we are in groups. but because we are hot-blooded human, we got the brain to think, we have the heart to feel, we learn to compromise, we learn to understand, we learn to care and love. thats y i try hard to understand the things and people around me.
i am selfish to say this out cos this time, i really want others to hear me out, hear my point of view even though there might be voices around commenting things like ' just shut up, u dunno anything.' i still would say.... this is the only place i can talk to right now and most of the time...
its scary... i realised the older i grow, the lesser i know. the more i find out the ugly truth in every belief that im trying to hold, the more heart broken i felt... am i trying too hard? everything that happens to me now hits me real hard, that lead me to doubt myself again... what is wrong with me?
i know that everyone have their 'own set of ruler' in their life to 'measure' the people around and judge others the way they want. this is not up to me to change that. i understand.
everybody is urging to want someone to hear them out and understand the way they see and feel things and let people know the kind of sacrifices they have made for others so badly. i understand.
it makes u feels like a fool when u have done so much for the ones u valued most without them knowing, but they in turn, treat your friendship like a dung. even though there are times when the person didn't mean to, it still saddens you.
and it hurts.
so badly.
i always listen to them. i feel for them. i know i cant understand them cos i cant never be like them, but at least i tried hard to be there for them when they are down and encourage them whenever they turn to me, didn't i? when there's some gossips about my friends going around i will do the explainations for them, hoping the others will understand them and that the things they see aren't the way they supposed to be..
isn't it what a true friendship is like? No?
am i just doing something worthless? maybe im just a busybody, nobody ask or even needs me to do that for them... im such an asshole. =\
i don't deny that sometimes when people don't understand me i feel frusturated and annoyed, it makes my blood boils...
when i get suffocated with too much things that i want to make clear....
when there's so much misconception about me going on....
i cried. and trembled. my hands and feets all went cold.
this is a point when i am trying to keep my cool using all the strength i have in me as i don't wish to quarrel, i hate shouting and screaming.
i loathe CHAOS to the core.
its horrifying.
cos im too overwhelmed by the unexpected from the expected.
i feel lost, i need time to configure my thoughts and feelings.
but i never ever show a black face, cos i believe they didnt mean to...
will they ever feel my effort?
i really love my friends with all my hearts.
can they tell?
but i will try to understand this though, i have my own method of showing my love and care for my love ones, and they have their own way of appreciating and seeing my way of love for them too. if they cant understand, of course i'll feel disappointed..
but it cant be help too. there might be someone out there secretly caring about me without me knowing, i may be that idiot who don't know a thing and yet treating everything for granted. its easy to take things for granted when things around you comes so easily and happens almost with a common sense. i always remind myself to see things around in a grateful manner.
i hope that will help me grow better as a person, and become a better friend.
this is what i believe in, am i wrong?
pinning too much hope on others will let you fall flat and badly.
do not treat everything around for granted.
its always easy to say than to be done.
what hurts the most is when the people around that you think would understand actually don't.
well, i guess this is part of growing up...
some lessons that i have to learn in life...
if the harsh shit is over, i probably will grow stronger and become more matured to handle my future.
this entry may be selfish and full of myself, but i feel good after talking things out. phew...
sometimes i really hope there's a cctv following each of us around, so that we can know what sweet things have our love ones done for us secretly without us knowing... in this way, wouldnt there be lesser conflicts and more understanding with gratitude lingering around the world??
ok, im dreaming.
never thought that i could be that kind of person in other people's view... at least not from you...
do i look like this kind of person all these years to you?
utterly stunned.
sometimes years can't buy you deeper understanding, its the heart that u use to feel do...
just let it flow freely. my tears will go, but our friendship don't.
-hongjie
1/09/2010
Damn u.
i can't sleep.
Feel like shit these few days...
really cant stand the fact that i am growing up...
the more i see the world goes by, the more i realise the cruelty of real life...
i came to realise that what i have is not enough...
i seriously need to upgrade myself further in the future...
so many thoughts running through my mind lately that i tot my pea brain is gonna burst...
what im planning right now is not all about me...
i know that as i grow older, there'll be more responsibility awaiting for me to carry...
there may be some silent pressure and challenges waiting for me ahead right now already...
scariest thing is, i know i cant escape.
i really hope i can do a good job... can i?
being taken care of is a bliss.
guess i can never get a full taste of that after i graduate.
i long for a friend who will be there for me to encourage me to hold on...give me a hug, telling me everything's gonna be ok and that i am not alone... someone that really cares and will truly feel happy for my achievement or dream even if its just a really minor one... will there be one?
Damn u job hunt.
Feel like shit these few days...
really cant stand the fact that i am growing up...
the more i see the world goes by, the more i realise the cruelty of real life...
i came to realise that what i have is not enough...
i seriously need to upgrade myself further in the future...
so many thoughts running through my mind lately that i tot my pea brain is gonna burst...
what im planning right now is not all about me...
i know that as i grow older, there'll be more responsibility awaiting for me to carry...
there may be some silent pressure and challenges waiting for me ahead right now already...
scariest thing is, i know i cant escape.
i really hope i can do a good job... can i?
being taken care of is a bliss.
guess i can never get a full taste of that after i graduate.
i long for a friend who will be there for me to encourage me to hold on...give me a hug, telling me everything's gonna be ok and that i am not alone... someone that really cares and will truly feel happy for my achievement or dream even if its just a really minor one... will there be one?
Damn u job hunt.
1/07/2010
1/06/2010
Hello 2010.
this is my 1st blog entry in 2010.
gonna start wif how i spend my new year's eve...
hmm, decided to spend the new year's eve at home tgt wif my sis at home actually... sick of the large crowd in every new year's eve celebration... and that was my 1st time spending new year's eve celebration at home after so many years! i used to celebrate new year outside either wif friends or wif work...
but, this year's celebration is special... szewei, yongqiang, huizhen, zhiyun, lia and wenghua came over to my hse to welcome the year! =)
was a bit worried abt them coming at 1st cos my hse is really small and messy, but aiya, heck care la, since they dun mind den come lor... haha... fireworks was put up jus a few distance away in front of my block... lia and gang was so excited and crazy over the fireworks that nite... all running like mad to catch the best view they can get along my corridor as some of the fireworks are half blocked by the buildings in front... haha... fireworks were so pretty, i like~ =)
den huizhen and zhiyun left 1st, and the rest of us started playing...
i learnt 3 new games that night! it was my virgin play for dua dai di, i wasnt good at it and to make thing worst, im slow~ haha.. but wenghua is sweet enuff to guide me along beside me la... szewei den decide to pair up wif me as a team as im really green and slow.... wahahaha...
we played bluff and another fun game too... i dunno the name of the fun game but that game is awesome, not only its easy, its really entertaining at the same time! we had such a good laugh playing that and forfeit was jus drawing on the loser's arms wif a high-lighter... i suggested drawing on faces wif eyeliner and get the ultimate loser to go down to 7-eleven to buy stuff initially... lia was steady wif that den keep asking around for eyeliner and lipsticks, i got a bit scared after that and lied by saying i dun hav any... LOL... got a bit regretted at the end of the game, shld have bring out my eyeliner de, cos the ultimate winner wasnt me!!! aiya! wasted... -.-
it was really enjoyable afterall... thank you all for coming over... =)
******************************************************************************
i started the year by goin out wif M and his family, we went to west coast plaza to look around den mac... thanks to N's bf for driving me home... it was a cozy outing... =D
******************************************************************************
second day of 2010 was spend wif elfin and the birthday gal, chua geok ting! =D
its jus a small celebration at the bakerzin...
food was not bad, but the companion is better....
the so-called 'celebration' was pretty simple, more of like a gathering but we had a nice chit-chat session that night i supposed... haha... hope geok ting will find the gift ok, cos we had a hard time chosing her present... haha.. looking forward to ur 23rd birthday celebration gal! im waiting for ur ticket! *smirks* wahahaha...
its a new year... and i have lots of tots in my mind... shall talk again next time... =)
gonna start wif how i spend my new year's eve...
hmm, decided to spend the new year's eve at home tgt wif my sis at home actually... sick of the large crowd in every new year's eve celebration... and that was my 1st time spending new year's eve celebration at home after so many years! i used to celebrate new year outside either wif friends or wif work...
but, this year's celebration is special... szewei, yongqiang, huizhen, zhiyun, lia and wenghua came over to my hse to welcome the year! =)
was a bit worried abt them coming at 1st cos my hse is really small and messy, but aiya, heck care la, since they dun mind den come lor... haha... fireworks was put up jus a few distance away in front of my block... lia and gang was so excited and crazy over the fireworks that nite... all running like mad to catch the best view they can get along my corridor as some of the fireworks are half blocked by the buildings in front... haha... fireworks were so pretty, i like~ =)
den huizhen and zhiyun left 1st, and the rest of us started playing...
i learnt 3 new games that night! it was my virgin play for dua dai di, i wasnt good at it and to make thing worst, im slow~ haha.. but wenghua is sweet enuff to guide me along beside me la... szewei den decide to pair up wif me as a team as im really green and slow.... wahahaha...
we played bluff and another fun game too... i dunno the name of the fun game but that game is awesome, not only its easy, its really entertaining at the same time! we had such a good laugh playing that and forfeit was jus drawing on the loser's arms wif a high-lighter... i suggested drawing on faces wif eyeliner and get the ultimate loser to go down to 7-eleven to buy stuff initially... lia was steady wif that den keep asking around for eyeliner and lipsticks, i got a bit scared after that and lied by saying i dun hav any... LOL... got a bit regretted at the end of the game, shld have bring out my eyeliner de, cos the ultimate winner wasnt me!!! aiya! wasted... -.-
it was really enjoyable afterall... thank you all for coming over... =)
******************************************************************************
i started the year by goin out wif M and his family, we went to west coast plaza to look around den mac... thanks to N's bf for driving me home... it was a cozy outing... =D
******************************************************************************
second day of 2010 was spend wif elfin and the birthday gal, chua geok ting! =D
its jus a small celebration at the bakerzin...
food was not bad, but the companion is better....
the so-called 'celebration' was pretty simple, more of like a gathering but we had a nice chit-chat session that night i supposed... haha... hope geok ting will find the gift ok, cos we had a hard time chosing her present... haha.. looking forward to ur 23rd birthday celebration gal! im waiting for ur ticket! *smirks* wahahaha...
its a new year... and i have lots of tots in my mind... shall talk again next time... =)
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