Just Pray.

yesterday's interview was not bad...
area of the office was small, but the staff there seems to be pretty friendly...
love the vibrant colour of their cubicle...
that lady who interviewed me mentioned something which made me feel really good...
wahahaha...

well, not gonna pin on too much hope on this though...
been to sick and tired of the repetitive instant high and low mood already...
im just going to stay positive but not hopeful.

Faking Miss Happy.

OH HAPPY 3 YRS 3 MTHS ANNIVERSARY!
OH I HAD THE MOST SUMPTUOUS MEAL FOR DINNER TONIGHT!
OH ITS MY FAVOURITE CURRY CHICKEN COOKED BY MY MAMA!
HMM...
AND OH, IM GONNA BE GOING FOR AN INTERVIEW TOMORROW MORNING FOR A POSITION WHICH I DON'T REALLY LIKE!BUT HECK CARE LA, AS IF THEY DESPERATELY NEED A FRESH DIP HOLDER LIKE ME!
AIYAYA, BE HAPPY! AT LEAST SOMEONE IS GIVING YOU A CHANCE TO SHOW THEM WHAT YOU GOT!
OH YA! I OUGHT TO BE HAPPY! HAHAHAHA! =D

damn. =.=

Not Calling Back.

Mood has been like a roller coaster lately...
first, calls start to fill in whenever i start losing hope...
then my heart was filled with so much faith and hope after each call and interview...
as days goes by, level of confidence and faith starts to drop again...
den other calls came in...
cycle goes on and on...

i was pretty happy to be called back for a 2nd interview initially...
i waited and waited...
ending each day with no reply is really scary and disappointing...
receiving calls frm numbers that i do not wish to see is annoying as well...
"well, they need some time to do the selection afterall... give them some time!"
thats how i force myself to stay positive at the end of each day...

its friday already.
that "see you!" is obviously coming out of courtesy, no hidden meaning.
they arent gonna call back.
thats for sure now.

perhaps i shld have given a better answer...
perhaps i shld gave them my super wide smile throughout that interview...
perhaps i shld have requested to arrange for the interview at another day cos come on, its a friday evening!
perhaps... perhaps... perhaps...

everything just went so perfectly right...
i feel so comfortable when i first step in there...
from their cleaner, to security guard, to the 3 interviewers and then the assistant director...
they were all so nice and sweet...
i totally feel right in there...
they offer everything i have always been looking for... literally everything.

i shldnt have pin on so much hope on it...
seriously, heart sinks to my belly already... =.=

career fair today wasnt as good as i expected.
same old thing with what i usually found on the web.
no wonder i feel an energy around me making me feel so reluctant to go the day before... sigh...

i am tired.
really tired le...
i really have no idea when can i ever get a job...

is finding a job that can let me stay for long in order to enable me to save up for my uni fees with the time limit set by myself that difficult?

well, seeing the rate that im moving at... i guess, it must be a definite yes.
hais...

oh crap, just by tracking back a few of my recent blog entries, i found out that i've been so emo and vexed all these while... its so annoying to see that... but i find it a superb place to vent out my frustrations though...

I have like... no tomorrow?

窝囊废

Today's mood is totally spoilt by this morning's interview...
Super embarrassing to think back on the reaction that i have when the lady called...
SIAN JI BUA.

confidence is important xian!!!

never felt so low and discouraged after an interview before. i seriously tot im kinda gaining the momentum and shld be steady enough to get into any interview already. just as when i tot im much more prepared and less nervous to attend to interview of all sorts...
boom! the god of experience throw me 2 old bird aunties to wake me up. =.=

ok, so there are interviewers like this.
slam me with all their doubtfulness and the 'this-girl-doesn't-know-how-much-she-actually-worth' look... arugh!
k la, i know that im inexperience... however, i still cant help but to feel annoyed and discouraged by the uninterested look given by this aunty here from time to time during the interview session. perhaps like wad the agent told me, she might be testing me out to see if i can handle the attitude given. but ive already rejected one offer that can offer me higher pay, i have no reason to accept this job which can only pay me 'this much' wad. there is no chance for me to speak up for myself either. i mean yea there is but they were like ' ya ya... but its not only about this you know. and you are inexperience...'
i was like ' er, but i personally tink that experience can be accumulated and...'
den they interrupted ' noooo, but experience is important too...blaa blaa blaa... and u have no experience also..'

damn. i haven finish my sentence yet!
kept on emphasizing . i dunno if they are trying to save their budget or trying to test my communication skills and sincerity. what i know is, experience seems to be a crucial factor for the market. well, i can understand from their position too, experience will save time and save time= save money.

STILL, if so y must they say that they can afford to pay that amount for this position and ask me to go down for an interview when in actual fact they think that my expected salary is 'too high'? i put that expected pay for some sapce for the company to negotiate with me wad... den i lowered my expected salary but still, they think its too much.. =(

ok, maybe this is how the HR departmant usually do... i dunno...
im just more upset about the response and expression they gave me...
shit i realised im really weak... got a little taken aback when got shot by the 2 old lady birdy this morning. felt so dejected and down after i stepped out of the room. confidence level immediately dropped and feel so unwanted. that interview made me feel so inferior. i start to question myself with everything. den i realise i got to buck up and learn frm this interview that its only thru all these interview experiences, i can get a better idea of what i really want and need when looking for a job.

i found out that im really not good at controlling my emotions when im sad or angry or helpless. i just feel like crying all out to vent out my expressions. but i never used to be like this leh... and everytime i recall the things that i've cried over for, i feel so stupid and remorseful. i tink im just too free all these while, have become really sensitive and bo liao. i seriously hate it.

met up wif chiew rong and melissa today... it always feels so good to be around with friends who share the same frequency as you. =)