It's gonna be tough.

HAIZ...
sch's starting tml!!! and my lesson starts tml too!!!
oh no, really dun feel ready yet.
i know i shouldnt be feeling this way, but this holiday seems to be passing way too fast for me to settle down and prepare for sch... not that i've not fail any module b4.. well, i mean, this time round is really different, i was supposed to have graduated from SIM ALREADY. unlike the past few semesters, i can still consider myself lucky to be promoted to the next semester despite failing one module. but this time, i failed macro and it stops me from graduating! arugh, yixian, can u be smarter or even work harder? is this wad u want? look at wad have u done to bring urself into this shit?
this class that im gonna be studying wif seems rather cold towards repeat students based on my past few experience... perhaps they jus feel that there's no need to be friendly wif us since they already have their own clique in the class... well, im just worried abt having problems wif grouping for macro assignment.. cos till now, i still hav no idea whose repeating macro wif me! emily failed law, not macro! how i wish we can retake the same module together... its really scary to be in a place where u dunno any single person! i really dun feel good, but wad else can i do? im the one who causes this disaster, i cant blame anyone but myself... =( i jus hope that everything can go smoothly... really hoping to have no trouble in finding a suitable group for macro and see familiar faces and grp wif them! issit too much to ask for? hmm.. till then i can find a parttime job and start earning money... im feeling empty as i see my bank acct drop... gosh, when will i be able to lead a better life? i miss those days when i can use my ability to earn my own allowance, working hard everyday w/o knowing that pay day is coming soon and have no plans on where and wad to spend yet.... hongu mentioned all these to me few days ago, i have exactly the same thought as him! its good to feel useful, but im feeling like a trash now... -.-
this is really bad... =(
sometimes, i do feel that some ppl is looking down on me, mayb im sensitive, but wad can i say... if only i can pass all my modules in one attempt, i would never feel so inferior, even tried to malign ppl around for looking down on me! im the one who's not up to the standard, who am i to judge them? thats the reality in life man... so yixian, since there's nothing u can do to change the fact that u're starting sch tml, work hard in these 7 weeks and get a good grade for macro! doesnt have to get an A though, i jus wanna graduate! im experiencing "so-near-yet-so-far" now... =(
alright, im tinking, instead of grumbling on how dreadful it is to know that tml is sch, i guess i shld be grateful that sch's finally starting tml? cos the retaking of macro have been haunting after my mind everyday since the moment i get to know my result... now that things are finally gonna get going, it'll be easier for me to decide which decision to make and which steps to take as i move along perhaps... oh man.. pls tell me that life's gonna be easier for me when sch starts tml??! life's been a total mess lately, im really lost! hais...
anyway, i really need to stay positive even though im still a little afriad inside... it'll be hard for me to stop worrying though... cos im always worrying for everything and for no reason... its bad, i know... thats y im trying to change now... if ppl say having a positive mind will help in changing our life into a better one, maybe i can do that too... well, i try~
arugh, im hoping for the best tml! =\